From the sometimes occupied news desks of the IOTA news team, covering issues that America does not care about Two Hoots, or One IOTA!
Ben Baker, man of “Faith, Family, Life, Liberty, Guns, Education/ Anti-Woke” and a few words in Mandarin, because he doesn’t speak Mandarin, who also happens to represent the 160th District of Missouri, says,” Did somebody say Chinese spy balloon? Be right back.”
The representative was then seen dashing into the nearest men’s room at the state capital. Sources on deep down, way back in the woods deep background said they suspect he had eaten something bad at the monthly Faith, Family, Liberty, Guns, Education, Anti-Woke event sponsored last night by the local chapter of the national FFLGEAW (fef-l-gee-aw)
Apparently, there is some concern that issues may have occurred with the Mock Duck, Beef Lo Mein, and Pork Egg Foo Young served at dinner. On a not-quite-so-deep but pretty deep background, a source said that Mr. Baker was heard, between heaves, saying, “It wasn’t the damn Mock Duck, I don’t eat any freekin, gluten-free, wheat-based, meat substitutes.”
Upon being asked about the “Anti-Woke” portion of the group, as it does appear to be the only negative in the group’s acronym. One would think, seeing the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines woke as; “aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues” one who represents others in the legislature would want to in fact be aware of and attentive to important facts and issues. To which Mr. Baker reportedly, again under way deep cover sources, replied, “Blaauuggh” has he continued to expel last night’s Chinese pork and beef.
It has recently been reported that what Representative Baker really was speaking to, before dashing to the restroom to lose the entirety of his stomachs contents, was that he was going to single handedly take down the Chinese balloon reportedly flying over Montana-even though he does not represent Montanans and the balloon is over 60,000 feet it the air, it just goes to show you the kind of representative the folks of Missouri, have to live with to represent them in Montana.
There has been some concern from the military of shooting it down as it may end up landing in a populated area. So some officials predict, those in deep background, that Representative Baker, who represents the 160th in Missouri, will be on his way, to the west coast to secure a rubber raft of sometimes, to take out into the Pacific Ocean where he can get a good shot and not jeopardize his constituents’ lives in Missouri.
So good luck, our patriotic faith, family, life, liberty, guns, education, and anti wanting to be aware of and/or actively attentive to important facts and issues, guy.
You just keep rowing that raft out into the Pacific – as if you were one of those Lego’s Navy Seals guys you reportedly play with in your bathtub -that’s under really, really, seriously deep background. We’ll give you a heads up when to shoot, buddy! You go now, Ben.
